Bachelor Party
by BonitaChic
Summary: The Cullen men take Edward out for his bachelor party. Humorous advice and unexpected visitors – what did we miss? A missing moment from Breaking Dawn. Rated M
1. the gift horse

**Introduction: This is a missing moment from Breaking Dawn. The night before the wedding as Bella sleeps the Cullen men take Edward out for his Bachelor Party. Edward has just been nearly dragged from Bella's room by Jasper and Emmett. **

**First Paragraph Italics from Breaking Dawn, page 30**

"_Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?" my beloved asked sweetly from above me in her bedroom._

"_Don't tell her anything!" Emmet growled next to me._

I took the opportunity to get even with Emmett for his window scraping stunt earlier. I dropped quickly to a crouch and whipped my leg around in a low circle, catching him at the back of the knees with my foot. His legs automatically buckled and he dropped to the ground landing on his backside with a very audible thud. I laughed quietly, knowing I would pay the price for that move later. He stood slowly, glaring at me.

Jasper jumped down from Bella's window ledge and I gave him a nod of thanks. His calming power would probably be the only thing to get Bella to sleep tonight. Besides my presence that is.

"_My pleasure," _he thought back to me. _"She really is a wonderful young woman. I can't wait until I can actually stand to be in her presence." _he laughed internally.

I ran through the forest with my brothers, headed in the general direction our house. On the way there, Carlisle ran up beside us, saving us a side stop indoors. We ran past the house toward Canada. The trees whipped by us and I let the exhilaration I always felt at running take over my mind. I ran a bit ahead of the others, enjoying the moment.

As we ran, I thought about the fact that I really would prefer to be spending the night with Bella. There was nothing like the feeling of her warmth and the soothing rhythm of her breathing as she slept. Her increasingly vocal dreams about me were… pleasant as well.

I let my mind wander back through the last few weeks and our increasing physicality. In that moment, I was sorely tempted to make a mad dash back to Bella's bed. I missed her intensely.

"Edward. Don't even think about bailing on us. You know Alice would have your head, wedding or not." Jasper laughed.

"Ya, she'd cheerfully dismember you and then keep the pieces in cardboard boxes." Emmett chimed in.

"…more like coordinating blue Tiffany's boxes." Jasper amended.

I could even bring myself to be angry at their teasing. I was just too deliriously happy. Tomorrow, I would realize every dream I never knew I had, or was capable of, as Bella consented to become my wife.

We stopped in a little clearing just north of the Canadian border. I sat on the ground crossed-legged. I knew what had to happen next and resigned to get it over with as quickly as possible. Emmett came dashing into the clearing next. He saw me sitting on the ground and he took a flying leap through the air. At the last second before he would have face-planted into the ground, he flipped his massive body around and landed relatively softly on his back. His arms were folded behind his head as if he were lounging at the park. I chuckled at his exuberance.

Jasper and Carlisle entered the clearing next. Jasper leapt smoothly over a nearby fallen tree trunk spinning around once in the air, and landed perfectly balanced on the balls of his feet in a relaxed crouch. Carlisle simply leaned one shoulder against a tree at the edge of the clearing, his arms crossed casually over his chest. He seemed the picture of contentment with a small smile on his lips. Apparently they were all in good moods- looking forward to the torture they would now get to inflict upon me.

"Alright. You know what happens now." Emmett addressed me.

"Yes," I acknowledged glumly. "I don't suppose there's any way I can talk you three out of this?" I asked without hope.

Carlisle actually snorted. "Edward, turn about is fair play." he stated.

"And really, you started this whole tradition yourself, you know. It's only fair that we get a shot now that it's your turn." Jasper added smugly.

I looked at the three vampires around me, it seemed pretty obviously none of them were going to back down.

"All right. Let's just get on with this, then." I relented.

Emmett sat up, his full attention on me now. "Okay, here's what's going to happen." He clapped his hands together with a loud boom and began rubbing them together eagerly. He had clearly given this some thought.

"We're each going to give you our advise in the form of a gift." he smirked, satisfied in his plan.

"Why on earth are you giving me gifts?" I responded a bit miffed at this obvious change to the tradition. It was bad enough as is and was probably an attempt to embarrass me.

"The girls wanted to be involved. And once Alice gets involved, there's going to be shopping." Carlisle threw in merrily from his tree. He sauntered a few steps closer to me with a jovial expression on his face. He was enjoying my discomfort!

I was about to protest the change in tradition, when Jasper cut me off. "You can't seriously be objecting to this?" he asked incredulous.

"Do you not remember that you made me _write down_ the advice you gave me the night before my wedding?" he declared.

"And you repeated your advice to me three times, Edward." Carlisle added. "Three times! We all have perfect recall, you know."

"Well, it's just that I can read the minds of your wives and I thought you'd want to know what -" I tried to defend myself, but I was cut off when Emmett threw a rock at my head. I dodged it -not that it would do damage, and glared at him in response.

"All right." He clapped his big hands together with a reverberating boom. "Carlisle first, then Jasper, then me since that's the order of the 'advice' you gave out before each of our wedding days." He stated officially.

"Aaaaand" he continued. I groaned as he drew out the tension, "there will be no interrupting from you. You have to let us finish." he finished with a smug smile, sure of his fool-proof plan.

"Fine." I agreed. I turned to Carlisle, indicating that he should begin.

"_Edward."_ he thought to me. _"You are my first son, and you know what place you hold in my heart. I know that you don't agree with me in matters of spirituality and specifically regarding the state of our souls, but I can see your soul shining so clearly, my son. _

_For many long years, I saw you alone and struggling through darkness. Though you thought yourself complete, you were lonely and unhappy with this existence. And although I love you dearly, I doubted my choice to change you. _

_The change in you since Bella came into your life has been brilliant. You are so alive, Edward. Your soul is shining through. Anyone who looks at you can see what Bella's love has done for you, and I am so happy. For the first time, I have no regret, nor doubt about my choices regarding your life. I hope that someday, you too, will fully recognize the goodness that you possess._

His words were heartfelt and very tender. I appreciated his comments.

"Thank you Carlisle." I said, my voice thick with emotion.

"Mine and Esme's gift to you" he declared as he handed me a small box. I removed the lid and peered inside. I groaned with embarrassment as the other's knowing laughs echoed through the silent night.

"Carlisle. Really?" I asked exasperated as I lifted out the small container of personal lubricant and held it in the air as evidence.

He chuckled and shrugged in response. "I thought you might find it useful. It's a warming gel, since you are, well, quite a bit colder than Bella."

Hmm, that was actually a good thought. Perhaps I could think further about moderating my body temperature before we finally made love.

"Esme says the heat is quite pleasant." He continued with a smirk. Ugg. He had to go and put that image in my mind. I replaced the offensive, but potentially useful, little bottle and muttered an embarrassed 'thank you' to Carlisle.

I turned toward Jasper for his advice.

"_Edward. I know the depth of your feelings for Bella and hers for you. I cannot put into words the joy and love I feel radiating from the two of you together, but it is a beautiful thing to see. _

_We both love strong, independent women. Bella is young, and in many important ways inexperienced with life. She will have much to learn about herself in the many years to come. My advice to you is to support her, love her, protect her but do not smother her. Allow her to discover herself and blossom in your care."_

I nodded in agreement. I had thought about how my relationship with Bella might change once I no longer needed to protect her physically. I always tried to shelter her, and I could see the sage advice in Jasper's words. I did want to protect her, but I wanted her to be her own self too.

"Thank you Jasper."

So far so good, I thought until Jasper tossed a square package toward me. I caught it mid-air and unwrapped the package. I stared dumb-struck at the cover. _The Art of Kama Sutra, an Illustrated Guide_, the book said.

"There are some things you can "explore" together. Alice took the liberty of dog-earing the good ones." Jasper smirked.

I stared at the book in confusion - I didn't think we'd be trying anything complicated. Did I need to rethink what Bella would be interested in? My family erupted into laughs at my expression. Apparently, I looked like the book was going to 'jump up and bite me'.

The mental picture of my expression was actually quite funny and I found myself joining in with a chuckle.

"Okay, okay." I interrupted their laughter, putting the book down in my lap. "Emmett. Bring it on." I challenged. I waited for Emmett's gift, prepared for anything.

"Okay, so I know these guys were probably all mushy and impractical. But I'm going to give you real advice. And this time you have to listen." He cleared his throat dramatically. _ "S_o there are some limitations since you have to be extra careful with Bella since she's a human. But I've given this some thought and there are still plenty of things you can do here."

I groaned out loud. Emmett was going to give me explicit sex advice and he had put _thought_ into it. That could only be bad. He paused in his "advice" to glare at me - challenging me to interrupt. I gestured for him to continue- might as well get it over with quickly. I actually did listen carefully as his advice took a different path than the one I expected. He explained the difference between physical responses as a human and as a vampire. He was one of the few in our family to experience and remember both, which left him in a uniquely knowledgeable position.

He had clearly put a lot of thought into the fact that Bella was so much more breakable than me. His thoughts about channeling my own intense emotions elsewhere, rather than trying to repress them, were something I would need to think further about. His advice was actually helpful.

I was so relieved that this conversation didn't head down a different path – one I entirely expected from Emmett, that I forgot about his 'gift'. He tossed me a package- it was light and soft. I let it land with a soft thud into my lap. I was almost afraid to open it.

"Rosalie picked it out herself," he taunted.

Now I was definitely afraid. I couldn't imagine what was underneath that wrapping paper, but I was fairly certain it would be another embarrassing gift. I un-wrapped it warily to reveal a woman's lingerie set. It was a red bustier set complete with garter belts and lacy panties. I raised my eyebrow. I was sure this was more something Rosalie would wear than Bella. Then again – I questioned if I really knew.

"When you're in the moment, you won't be thinking about being gentle on the clothing." He said as if that explained everything. I must have looked confused. "They rip easily. You might want to invest in multiple sets." He explained with a laugh.

Oh.

"_When Bella's finally a vampire, you might want to invest in multiple __**bedroom**__ sets." _He laughed. In his mind thinking about all the furniture he and Rosalie had broken over the years.

I cleared my throat working away the last of my embarrassment. I looked down at the three gifts in my lap. Although it had been embarrassing, the advice I had been given had actually been very useful. They'd gotten a laugh out of my embarrassment, but they meant it all with love for me and for Bella.

"Thank you," I said to them all sincerely.

"All right - time for some hunting!" Emmett exclaimed as he jumped to his feet. He clapped me on the back before taking off into the woods to find his next meal.

Jasper arose and extended his arm toward me. I bumped my fist with his and he smiled at me in a show of support. He too disappeared into the woods.

Only Carlisle and I remained. He smiled at me fondly as he pushed away from the tree. He embraced me in a fatherly hug.

"My son." He said simply. He released me and turned into the woods for his own dinner.

I left my "gifts" stashed near a tree in the clearing- I would come back for them later. I soon caught the scent of Mountain Lion and sped off to the North. I was relieved that I would have some time alone. I would feed and then be left to my thoughts for a few hours.

**AN: Not sure if this is as funny to everyone else as it was to me- anyway, REVIEW if you like and I'll continue on.**

**This is only going to be another chapter or so, I have a great next chapter already written- it includes an early visit from one of the wedding guests. Can you guess who might be finding Edward alone in the forest in the middle of the night??? **

**Hint: She's from my home state.**


	2. unexpected

Ch 2 - Unexpected

I lied on my back, my arms behind my head staring up to the night sky. I felt fully sated from the mountain lion and an unlucky bear. I was perfectly content as my thoughts drifted inevitably to Bella. In my mind I replayed every moment of our interactions together.

I thought of the first time her scent hit me – it was like a wrecking ball. I thought of my weakness in running from her physically and then mentally. Being inevitably drawn to her kindness, her intelligence and the enigma of her closed mind. Saving her from Tyler's van. Her complete trust in me. The flashes of intuition in her eyes as she discovered my secrets.

I mentally revisited the encounter with James that left her broken for months - when I discovered strength I didn't know I had as I tasted her sweet blood to save her life.

I remembered the early days and my own foolish decisions and the dark months that followed without her in my life. I thought tenderly of her risking her life to save me and the sweet forgiveness she gave me. The fight against the newborns and the fight to secure her affections from Jacob. And finally, I thought of her agreeing to become my wife.

I took my time thinking about the past few months. The changes in our relationship since I had dropped all of my ridiculous boundaries had been immense. I had spent my customary nights in Bella's bed, but lately, she had been awake for a good portion of those nights as well. I felt myself smile as I remembered a few of those encounters.

I let my mind return to the night that Bella timidly removed my shirt for the first time. She bit her lip as her fingers moved so slowly, even for a human.

She unbuttoned my shirt, pushing it off of my shoulders as her hands continued to caress my bare skin. Her warm hands felt so good. She explored my chest and stomach muscles so timidly. I was nearly undone when she emitted a tiny, nearly inaudible moan of pleasure.

I leaned in and kissed her neck, tasting her sweet flesh ever so tentatively with my tongue. She gasped in surprise and I instinctively pulled away. She encouraged me to continue with her eyes and hands, pulling me back toward her warmth. I placed my body over hers, not allowing any of my weight to rest on her fragile frame as I continued to kiss her.

As this pattern repeated for a few nights, I grew more bold with my advances.

I remembered running my hand along the bottom edge of her shirt, teasing the band of flesh there. I ran my hand along her smooth stomach and in response her muscles seemed to clench in pleasure. She seemed pleased by the skin to skin contact, so I rolled onto my back bringing her to lie on top of me. My hands slid under her shirt, caressing the skin of her back.

A sudden burst of confidence caused her to sit up, straddling my chest. Before I could work up the desire to protest, she pulled her shirt up over her head, revealing her beautiful form to me. She was the most exquisite creature I had ever seen and she was all mine. I couldn't suppress a low growl of desire from forming and she shivered delicately in response.

In reality, the rest of that night had continued with Bella lying against my chest as I gently stroked the exposed skin of her back. However, stuck in my memories, the story played out differently than it had in reality.

In this new fantasy, Bella straddled me, clad only in her bra and sleep pants. Her sudden burst of confidence had caused a most magnificent expression to come over her features. Her hooded eyes were full of longing. She brought her finger up to her lip, biting the tip, and looked at me from beneath her eyelashes. She trailed her hand along my chest as she began to move her hips lightly against mine. The sensation the friction caused was wonderful.

These things never really happened, but in my mind's eye, the fantasy continued as she reached behind her back with both hands to unclasp her bra. She released the clasp, but held the fabric to her chest with one hand. She paused there, teasing, as her beautiful auburn locks faded to blonde. I felt confusion in the back of my mind. This hadn't ever happened and it wasn't the way I was intending my thoughts to go. In my fantasy I opened my mouth to protest.

"Shhh" she whispered covering my lips with her free hand. Her now completely blonde hair fell past her waste in loose curls. She purred my name in a voice distinctly not Bella's. Still holding her bra against her, she reached down to remove my pants with a surprising urgency. I suddenly realized that my fantasy had become a completely different woman. A woman that was most certainly not Bella, but someone else I knew.

"Tanya" I nearly growled, my teeth clenched. "Would you please be so kind as to stop manipulating my thoughts?"

Her melodic laughter floated out from the trees as my mind was released from her fantasy world. I rose to my feet and looked around for her.

"You can't blame a girl for trying" she said teasingly as she slipped out from the trees, and into the little clearing.

I had seen her last when I ran to Alaska to escape Bella's siren call. She had not changed of course. As usual, she was exquisite. Her strawberry blonde curls glowed faintly in the pale moonlight. She was the epitome of unintentional seduction, well mostly unintentional, I amended. A teasing smile was in place on her mouth– I'm sure it was nearly an irresistible expression, if I didn't only have eyes for one woman that is.

I stood without comment. Her actions were par for the course and I could sense no malicious intent in her thoughts. I tried to distract her with the reason for her visit and hopefully a gentle reminder that I was not available.

"Thank you for coming down for the wedding, Tanya." She smiled ruefully, seeing my distraction for what it was.

"I must admit, I honestly thought you would eat the human, not wed her." I smiled. I had had very similar thoughts. Who would have thought things would turn out like this? Certainly not I, nor Tanya who had witnessed my turmoil first-hand in Alaska.

"The great Edward Cullen has fallen to the wiles of a woman at last. From what I hear, she's a little slip of a thing. As inexperienced as you." I grimaced, fighting back my desire to protect Bella from even implied insults.

"I mean no offense, Edward" she placated, holding up her hands.

"I just don't understand the appeal over your _other_ options." She smiled. "Meaning myself, obviously."

_Very subtle_, I thought to myself sarcastically.

"Obviously." I repeated, acknowledging her long time interest.


	3. Love will find a way

Ch3

"_**The great Edward Cullen has fallen to the wiles of a woman at last. From what I hear, she's a little slip of a thing. As inexperienced as you." I grimaced, fighting back my desire to protect Bella from even insults.**_

"_**I mean no offense, Edward" she placated, holding up her hands.**_

"_**I just don't understand the appeal over your **__**other**__** options." She smiled. "Meaning myself, obviously." **_

_**Very subtle**__**, I thought to myself sarcastically.**_

"_**Obviously." I repeated, acknowledging her long time interest.**_

Tanya and I had shared a fairly comfortable relationship for many years following her initial interest in me. I considered her a dear friend and she likewise. Her advances all those years ago and my polite declines, although she forced them to be plural in nature, had only put a temporary strain on our relationship. She had backed off, although maintained a passing interest over the years. Had I been willing, she would have willingly added me to her list of conquests. It occasionally irked her that she hadn't had the opportunity, and she let me know it. Regardless, it had been many, many years since she had come on this strongly. It caught me off guard.

I sensed she was simply throwing out a last ditch effort for the 'one that got away.'

"Tanya." I warned gently as she glided toward me. She placed one hand on my chest and looked up at me through her eyelashes.

"Relax, Edward." She teased with a coy smile. "I just wanted to make sure you're committed to this –" she waived her hand around in the air dismissively , "- this whole marriage thing. _To just ONE partner for the rest of time_..." She finished the thought in her mind and looked at me hopefully.

"Of course I am." I affirmed.

"Well, then I've come to wish you the best." She said with a genuine smile.

I removed her hand gently from my chest and kissed it, like a proper 19th century gentleman. "Thank you, Tanya." I said with relief. I could tell her little test was over and we could go back to more familiar and comfortable terms.

She laughed. "Such a charmer." She teased.

We walked together without direction for a while until we came to a cliff edge. We sat together in companionable silence watching the stars.

"I've been waiting for you to ask." She stated into the silence in a seemingly disinterested way. Her thoughts told me otherwise.

"Ask about what?" I played along, delaying the conversation she was clearly initiating.

"As a person who is in a somewhat unique situation, who has access to someone who clearly has experience in said situation, I would think it would be fairly obvious." She drew it out. She was going to make me ask.

I had thought about asking her, but I wasn't sure I wanted to. I had deliberated because I didn't know if it was appropriate. I also wasn't sure _how _to bring it up. Apparently she took care of both concerns. I pushed aside my own insecurities and thought about Bella. The more I knew, the safer this would be for her.

I exhaled deeply, suddenly feeling my years. I ran a hand through my hair.

"If it was just up to me I wouldn't do it, you know." I said staring out at the stars. "I'd never consider something so…" I searched for the right word, "reckless."

She just looked at me curiously, even her thoughts were mute. That must have taken some effort on her part and I was grateful for the internal silence that would allow me to organize my own thoughts.

"I'm not saying I don't want to – God, how I want to. But not when she's so entirely breakable." I mused aloud unable to stop abusing my hair. I turned to Tanya, eager for her advice.

"How do you do it, Tanya? How do you love them and not break them? Do I have any chance of _not_ harming her?" I asked turning to her with an intense hope.

She took my question as seriously as I had meant it, but she did chuckle softly. "I can only tell you things from a woman's perspective. Obviously the mechanics of your situation are a bit different." I half grimaced in response- nothing was working in our favor. I nodded, asking for her to continue.

"It's not easy. Even after hundreds of years, I still feel the temptation, the blood lust. I suppose that might be easier for you since you've never experienced the bloodlust with an … well, with physical lust." The word she really wanted to use was 'orgasm', but she censored her actual words in an attempt to make it easier for me. She looked at me to see if I was still comfortable with her continuing. This conversation was probably making my mother roll over in her grave- but I nodded for her to continue.

She was thoughtful and quiet for a moment. I stayed silent as she organized her thoughts. "I can show you." she offered carefully. "The first time I was successful. If it will be helpful." I nodded again. I had gone this far, might as well jump in all the way.

Her mind floated back to memories from what looked to be the early 1800's. From Tanya's perspective I saw a man sleeping alone in his bed. I watched him sleep as she undressed to her underclothes and slipped into the bed. She hovered over him, kissing and touching him. I shifted on the ground – feeling a bit awkward. I had certainly seen these situations hundreds of times in many people's minds. But it somehow seemed personal, intimate that she was showing it to me knowingly. Mercifully her perspective was focused on the man. I never saw images of her, so I didn't feel as perverted watching the remembrances with her.

Her memory continued as the man awoke and responded to her advances. From her thoughts, he didn't know her but was more than willing to participate. Her thoughts clearly conveyed that she was struggling with her own bloodlust as things progressed. She made sure to keep her mouth away from the man's throat –too much of a temptation.

I watched as she seduced the man, a very willing participant, to the moment when she climaxed and nearly bit him. Instead she bit her own arm. The man passed out and she surveyed the damage. She had shredded the sheets and cracked one of the bedposts in her efforts not to kill him. Her attention focused on the man himself and I barely stifled a gasp. In her memories, Tanya swore. He was bruised everywhere and most likely had a broken rib or two. She checked his heart rate and breathing carefully - he was alive. She was exultant – proud of her accomplishment.

Tanya's memory ended and she looked at me with a slightly sheepish expression. "I got better about that with time." She said referring to hurting him so badly.

"Oh God." I said burying my head in my hands. It was hopeless. I couldn't do that to Bella. That was what she considered a success?

"Edward" she soothed touching my arm. "You love her. It will be so much easier for you. You can focus on your love for her rather than your physical pleasure."

"I don't know. You were trying to be careful. What if it's too much for me – I've never done this before. What if?" I couldn't complete that sentence, imagining all the horrible ways I could hurt Bella. "You had so much experience and look what happened." She was about to comment again, but I continued with the worst part. "As if that isn't bad enough – How much worse would it be for a woman? I can't do that to her. I won't. I don't care what I've promised."

"Edward. Look at me." I kept my head buried in my hands like a petulant child until she grabbed my face with one hand and raised it to meet her gaze. "You love her. She is your mate. You wouldn't do anything to hurt her. You already drank her blood for crying out loud- and yet she lives to tell the tale. Love for humanity is what allowed me to let them live. Think what your love _for her _will allow you to accomplish." I watched her carefully looking for any doubt in her words.

"As long as you let her take the lead and don't push things before she's ready- it will be okay." She truly believed every word.

"Thank you, Tanya." I said sincerely. I had a better idea of what lay ahead of us thanks to Tanya's experience and I was grateful she cared enough to initiate the conversation.

She hugged me quickly and laughed. "Come on. It's about time someone de-flowered you. Don't be so nervous about it." She teased.

I rolled my eyes at her and managed a smirk. She punched me lightly on the shoulder and hopped up, extending her hand to me.

"Now, let's have some fun hunting unsuspecting animals. You'll be a married man tomorrow and we won't be able to have these little sexual encounters any longer. I don't do married." She teased as I accepted her hand. She pulled me up with ease and we ran into the woods in search of her dinner.

Tomorrow I would be a married man. And I would try to fulfill my promises to Bella- all of them. God help me, I would try. Our love would have to be enough.

**THE END**


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